narcissism and you

Selfies. Everyone has an opinion. Whether anyone loves them is a debate outside this blog’s scope. What’s known, is that they’re at once fun and frustrating. An extension of self-obsession.

And of course, any excuse to raise narcissism. We live in a culture obsessed with the word, despite our vague sense of it.

Your boss is narcissistic. Unpopular peers. All influencers. Reality TV, just not the more approachable Drag Race. A coin-all term for anyone focussed on themselves to the detriment of others.

And yet, where does a healthy ego end and the ego maniac take over? Does healthy narcissism even exist?

Little known fact, there are two types of narcissism:

Grandiose:

Where the narcissist feels superior and entitled.

Vulnerable:

Where the narcissist, hyper-sensitive to criticism, craves reassurance.

Narcissistic personality disorder covers both definitions. It's the medical-grade term for narcissism. But includes symptoms present in only 0.5% of the US population.

Personality disorders describe marked emotional imbalance. Within this, unstable self-identity. These traits, considered rigid, integrate into identity.

Psychologist Eddie Brummelman, expands:

"Narcissists feel superior to others. But they are not necessarily satisfied with themselves. When they don't get the admiration they crave, they feel ashamed and lash out".

Others will unlikely display this aggression in similar situations. Note: lack of positive reinforcement may also depress the narcissist.

Overall, your purest form of narcissism is something of an anomaly. Violent insecurity hiding behind a shell. Self-fixation ending in empathy deficit.

You'd think in our "narcissistic culture" NPD enjoys meteoric growth. But the prevalence of NPD remains at 0.5%. So, we are not a pathologic nation of narcissists. But we are, inarguably, self-absorbed.

"Narcissus", the fable, uniquely portrays self-absorption as a wound. Narcissus, cursed to fall in love with his reflection, only felt the love unreturned. The original Narcissus couldn't love himself, despite his deep yearning.

His adoration fragile, futile.

Diving deeper: your ego’s fragile. After all, everyone has a unique take on you. Fall in love with ego, you lose yourself. In this way, healthy narcissism is redundant. Self-obsession, another way to self-destruct.

But having a healthy ego is perfect. Because a healthy ego motivates and breeds resilience. Narcissists, on the other hand, operate through an insecure attachment style. That self-doubt so difficult to therapise.

Your therapy thought for today? Boost your resilience. You may, after all need it if encountering a bona fide narcissist. And those selfies? 100-- provided you can detach your identity from them.

If narcissists teach you anything, you're worth more than your reflection.